Everything from "why is there never enough time in the world" to impulse-buying 9 new books on Amazon at 2:15 AM.
When I first immigrated to America, I could barely speak any English. I had one friend, but the language barrier made it hard for us to communicate. It didn't help that I was an only child. When I visited the local library for the first time with my parents, I decided that books would be the answer to all my problems. I used my dictionary (yes, dictionary — because our second-hand bulky Windows computer would take 5 minutes to complete a single search) to help me understand every single word I didn't know the meaning of. I spent countless nights cramped in the small closet of our one-bedroom apartment with the door closed because reading made me feel like I was in a whole different world. I was there with them, fighting monsters, inventing new machines, and traveling through space. Reading gave me multiple lives — in books, I had countless "friends". Reading helped me find a personality, realize acceptable social norms, and learn English. Towards the end of elementary school, the library workers knew me on a first-name basis. My goal was to finish all of the books in the upstairs (children's) section, and I did just that.
But then middle school happened. Then high school. Then college. The work piled on more, and so did the friends and confidence. Eventually, that confidence grew into arrogance as I thought I was too "cool" for books. These developments in my life caused me to become even busier, so now I had the perfect excuse to stop reading too.
Then, I graduated from college. Sure, in between the midst of everything I read a few books (outside of required sources), but nothing stood out to me. I shamefully realized I had totally forgotten the thrill of reading because I hadn't fully committed to it. So, I did what had to be done: I literally forced myself to get back into reading.
It was pretty dreadful at first. I have a miniature library of books that have been adding up through the years. Books that I told myself I would "for sure read, not right now, but soon". The thing is, when "soon" turns out to be a little later than expected, things can get messy. AKA I had to read a bunch of books on topics that I was just not that interested in anymore, either because the storyline was just boring or the writing was not challenging enough.
But I made it out the other side. I did it.
... sorta.
Okay, so I didn't exactly finish all of those books. I started with the books that I was the least amused by actually trying to learn and engage with the material. I eventually read my way up to the better books. Slowly, I noticed changes in myself. Every single day, I woke up excited to read more. I wanted to read another chapter. I wanted to read a new book from my collection. I wanted to start reading all the books all my friends were recommending!
Oh yeah, that's another thing that comes with the bookworm territory. Once you really get into it, you can't help but talk about it to everyone. But then something really great happens and you find out that a lot of your friends are also really getting into reading, and you can't help but constantly talk about all the cool new books you are reading, recommend books to each other, and/or gossip about the books or authors that aren't your cup of tea. All of this sounds great, but beware! For if you are not careful enough, you can find yourself digging a hole you cannot stop digging. Meaning, you add the book your friend recommended to your list on Goodreads, then on your Amazon basket, and all of a sudden that one book turns into 9 books; it's 2:15 AM and somehow your finger just hit the "BUY NOW" option for all of the books in your cart. How does that happen anyway?
That isn't even the kicker. The worst thing about this, now that I am so in love with reading again, is time. My dear friend and foe, time. I love time because she makes me appreciate all the moments with my loved ones, but I find myself wishing she would slow down now more than ever. So often, if I just had one more hour in the day, I could finish a chapter. This is a big deal because finishing a chapter is one step closer to finishing the book, which is another step closer to reading all the books I am planning to read, which is really the ultimate step towards reading all the books ever written and gaining all the knowledge in the world. Relatively speaking, of course.
I have found the best medicine to this is living in the moment. It was rough getting back into reading, but I know that long-term I am going to thank myself for this. I mean honestly, I am thanking myself even now. It's great that I am getting closer to the "it-girl" energy: exercising, working, volunteering, studying for LSATs, sewing, cooking, and reading. However, the best thing that has come out of this experience has been that I feel like my mind is so much stronger and healthier now that I am reading again. After all,
"Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body." - English essayist, poet, playwright, and politician, Joseph Addison
I look forward to continuing this journey, good or bad. I love feeling those thrills from when I was young and reading with a night light under the sheets because it was past my bedtime but the book was too good to put down. I also love feeling the new, unfamiliar emotions, like how closely I connect to characters because we have gone through the same situations — despite how outlandishly romantic, chaotic, cheesy, or soul-crushing it may be. I love learning new things, from different points of view, styles, languages, plots, genres, and the like. In fact, I think I am going to go and read now.
Anyways, I think that's enough thinking, so that's all — for now.
I love your story of how you fell in love with books. I never experienced having to learn an entire new language when I was young, but it makes complete sense how that need to learn fueled your burning, now rekindled, desire for book reading!