A NEW TAKE ON GOAL-SETTING

4 less-tangible goals that should be at the top of your list.

Goal setting is the most integral part of my life. However, I have found that my focus on material and tangible things overshadowed fostering a healthy mental and emotional state necessary to achieve those goals.

Admission to a certain program, an ideal body type, or seeking to elicit a particular reaction from someone is completely justifiable — it is neglecting the goal-setting in character development that can cause perverse consequences.

Here are 4 less-than tangible goals at the top of my list to try for yourself:

1. Think of Her

Imagine your ten year old self sitting infont of you: would you tell her all the things you tell yourself everyday?

If you press on the link above, you will find a link to a video that was very eye-opening for me. Sure, it can be pretty cheesy, but there is something about the thought of speaking to your younger self. Imagine all the dreams and thoughts they had. I remember when I was that age, I used to think 21-year-olds had the whole world in their hands. I may not be there exactly, and I will most likely never be there (to say the least), but I want to be the type of person that would make the 10-year-old Shideh proud. I remember thinking at that age that I was able to do whatever I wanted to in this world, the whispers of insecurities were nowhere to be found, and I saw nothing but joy in my future. That's not because I had the easiest childhood growing up, it's because regardless of my daily troubles I still had hope in my capabilities and my destiny.

I have noticed that as we grow older, our faith tends to waver. I'm still figuring out why it is that my younger self had more strength and absolute trust in The Higher Power to supply her with all her needs. Maybe it's because as we age, we are exposed to unbelievable things, and instead of taking control of the situation, we let it control us. We point to ourselves as the problem, curse the world for hating you, and start to question, "why me?"... then, we lost sight of goals.

The things I say to myself (at times) are things I would never say to my younger self. I would never speak to her with a harsh tongue. Instead, I would tell her how capable she is in doing anything she wants, I would tell her about all the things she has been able to accomplish, I would go on and on about her beauty and the beauty of the world. I would tell her, that all those ugly things that she had been exposed to didn't phase her, she was able to make it because of her strength. I would promise to be strong for her, I would push myself for her because that is what she did for me.

I can't guarantee the future, but if I can have these thoughts about who I was 10/15 years ago, wouldn't it make sense that I could have these thoughts 10/15 years in the future, too? Wouldn't it make sense that I would tell myself not to worry then too — that everything would be alright? So... why not make it a goal to use that logic?

2. Never Lower My Standards

The only times I have ever been unable to achieve my goals have been because I lowered my standards.

I am learning that I need to stop second-guessing myself and trust my "gut-feelings", even if it's scary. I need to trust in my logic and have a genuine belief in my abilities to achieve whatever I can to make sure I carry through, without exceptions.

I know what I deserve. Just because someone else thinks my expectations are too high for their standards, doesn't mean I am being unrealistic. Just because other people haven't had as much success in doing what I seek to doesn't speak to my abilities. Just because I am scared, unfamiliar, or struggling doesn't mean I won't make it. Just because it's not a conventional or popular route I want to go down doesn't mean I need to change directions. Past failures and collective or personal doubts should not cause me to redefine my reality and consequentially create a barrier to achieving my goals.

I am justified in the goals I seek. It's okay to adjust expectations, but not because I have lowered my standards. I need to make it a goal to constantly remind myself that everything I want will come to me in only a matter of time.

3. Remain Poised

“I wanted to do well academically. But it was equally important to do things in an effortless manner... there is a lot of my work that takes place behind closed doors that is not ever seen." - Amal Clooney

A lot of my tangible goals for the future involve the concept of "image": the image of having my voice heard in humanitarian issues, the image of having a loving family, the image of giving back to everyone who brought me to the point I am at. Recently, I have realized the importance of privacy and its ties to the image I display not only to those who I loosely associate with but even close confidants. It is not so much an issue about trust as much as it is about fostering others' faith in you and putting forth certain confidence and "effortlessness" that encapsulates the qualities I admire to have.

For those like me, who find themselves happiest when they are doing the most they reasonably can (that is, without negatively impacting other activities), life can get quite overwhelming. Tempers can become testy, patience can run on a short fuse, and accumulated negativity can affect personal and collaborative work. Showing frustration about something is alright, it is okay to be unhappy about circumstances — in fact, I encourage it! However, there is a certain way to go about all this. Letting emotions take hold, letting everyone know about all your problems and secrets, bragging about accomplishments only paints your image as a weaker person. It is better to implement change in things you are unhappy with than it is to be an unfiltered vessel: be genuine and honest at all times, but acknowledge when it's right to cross certain lines.

I have found that people tend to overestimate my abilities: they talk about how "smart" I am, or how I "deal" with certain unforeseen circumstances, or how I "have it all together". The truth is: I am not smart, I am working hard each and every single moment that I'm awake; I "deal" with certain situations because to me, there is no other option, life goes on and so I must; I don't have it all together, but I am going to do everything I can to get close to it. "Behind closed doors", I have my own breakdowns, I feel my own sense of frustration towards injustice, I have my own feelings of being lost and confused. But, I portray this image of poise because it fosters a healthier environment around me. I love to be unapologetically myself and compare myself only to my own abilities. I forgive others not because I am weak, but because I find it easier to prosper without holding grudges to those who wronged me — even if that means putting space with that person.

My life has been so much easier since the day I decided to be posied, sincere, just, and strong. The more I displayed that calm outward image, the more I believed it myself. So, I could accomplish all my other goals — in other words, the goal of being the light and energy I seek to attract in my everyday life allowed me to attract all other material goals I held.

4. Stay Thankful

-- even when things don't make sense.

The point is to avoid feeling like nothing's ever enough. It's one thing to want to continuously improve yourself and the conditions around you and another thing to feel like nothing is ever enough. Be thankful towards yourself as well, at the least for making it as far as you have.

Be mindful of your privileges at all times, so you know how to utilize those privileges in order to help others. Be cognizant of the help you have achieved from God/The Universe, family, friends, and pets... and never give into the trap of the ego. The ego can be an outward display of self-glory/pride and a private feeling of self-hatred. Even if you feel that you are being tested, trust that this is exactly where you are supposed to be right now and be thankful anyways as if you're in the future and everything is perfect, just the way you want it. See it, envision it, try to feel or even smell it! Be thankful for all the details about the future, along with the present as you have had with the past.

Bonus: show your gratitude to your community by volunteering, hugging your family, and writing cards to your loved ones (or giving them pets)! Your thankfulness can lead to an avenue of life-changing opportunities, not only for you but for those around you.

Anyways, I think that's enough thinking, so that's all — for now.